Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Losing My Baby Princess

Hi everyone, you may be wondering why I haven’t been blogging/doing videos lately. It’s all because I lost my beloved dog Princess at 1:15AM on November 18, 2013.

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Princess has been with me for almost 12 years. I can vividly remember the day I got her.

You see, I wanted to give our Yorkie, Micky, a “partner” before and so I searched through the classified ads on the newspaper. I saw that this breeder from Greenhills was selling a “WHITE TOY TERRIER”. I secretly called the breeder because I knew my mom wouldn’t allow me to buy another dog. But I sealed the deal with the breeder and set up an appointment to pick the dog up. I pooled all my school money (I was in elementary back then) and I used up all my PHP5,500.00 to buy the dog. My dad didn’t disagree with me when I told him I wanted the dog.

One fateful day, [I forgot the holiday that was going on—but all the malls were closed]. So I chimed into our family conversation and told them, “Why don’t we just pick up the dog?” My mom wasn’t able to do anything about it anymore because my dad agreed! Hehehe.

So then we drove to Greenhills. The gates were opened and I saw this really thin and tiny white mini-pinscher like dog. I was taken aback, because in my head I was picturing a terrier! Long hair and all that jazz. Although a bit disappointed, we still took her in. The breeder told us her name was Princess! I told my dad I wanted to name her MICA (to match Micky’s name) lol but my dad thought it was better to keep her old name. The name “Mica” didn’t catch up, so Princess stayed “Princess”.

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We had great years together! Here are most highlights in my life with my beautiful Pinpin:

  1. We were featured on Animal Scene together with Micky! I had a subscription for that magazine before. I was a dog freak!!!
  2. She hated the guinea pigs I had before and used to kinda bite all of them! Hahaha!
  3. I applied BLUE eyeshadow on her lids!
  4. I stuck on an old thick action figure sticker on her forehead and ended up pulling it out, together with her fur!! I didn’t mean to—we were just playing!
  5. Her first accident was getting caught on a FLY TRAP!!!!!! It was horrible. Good thing my dad got her out in time!
  6. When I walked her, she didn’t need a leash! She just followed me wherever I went!
  7. She got into about 3 fights with our huge dog Hqeq (who came shortly after I got Pinpin) Hqeq left 2 scars on her face, poor baby
  8. She loves it when I call her name in the highest pitch!
  9. What made her tail so cute is that it’s been cut off (by the breeder) and she’d wag it everytime I played with her
  10. We ate Nova together and I would feed her through my mouth

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I could like of a million more fun things I did with my baby girl and this blog post would never end…

As much as I wanted her to get pregnant, she didn’t. I guess she was just not built to be a mother of puppies. You see, she’s kinda tomboyish hehe. She liked humping all the other dogs! Hahaha!

This photo right here was taken during November of last year or last 2 years ago. She kept barking and barking and barking at other people!

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Whenever I worked out on my mat, she would ALWAYS lie down beside or even ON the mat with me!

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She loved being pampered and cuddled! She would bury herself into the bed sheets and sleep for hours! Look how beautiful she was!

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And of course, she loved her bone!!! She even slept with it!

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When our first dog, Micky, died. I was quite scared… Because I knew Princess was next in line.

Years passed and we celebrated a lot together. She was there WITH ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

The first sign of ageing I noticed from Princess was cataract. Her left eye went white first, and then the right. It was heartbreaking seeing her bump into things so I just carried her to places. She memorized the turns, however, and was able to live without any sight at all.

About 3-4 months earlier, I noticed how she isn’t able to jump up the bed anymore. That broke my heart. She had to be carried up.

She also started having seizures. Terrifying 3-4 minutes of my life that would repeat twice a day. She would freeze up and later shake.

I took her to the vet and got tests done when her belly ballooned.

They told me it was her stomach. She wasn’t able to poo or pee properly. So she was given medication for the infection. A few days later, her legs swelled up. Apparently, it has something to do with her liver. She has a minor problem with her liver. Meds took away the swelling.

Everything was okay, but Princess started losing her ability to walk/stand up.

My heart was crushed.

She laid down most of the day. I would pick her up and roll her over because I know nangangawit siya. She would bark to call my attention when she’s hungry or thirsty.

She wasn’t able to control her peeing or pooing anymore. So I had to make her wear diapers. Baby diapers. I constantly changed her about 5-8 times a day. It was truly a mother’s job. I enjoyed it.

It broke my heart every time I had to work away for weekends and leave her at home with my family. I didn’t want her to think I left her… And deep inside, I don’t want her to pass without me by her side.

For about 3 weeks, the same routine happened. My PinPin was okay. I would change her every time she soiled/wet her diaper/feed her when she’s hungry, and give her her blue cup to drink out of because she couldn’t do it alone. I gave her her medicine and she seemed content and okay. Not the best state, but she was okay.

A few days ago, her nose started ballooning up. I called the vet and they told me it must be an infection/colds. I had November 18 scheduled to take her to the vet and get checked.

On November 17, 2013 (Sunday), I decided to give her a hot bath. There she was all bubbly and she enjoyed the warm water. While I dried her, she peed!!! I wasn’t able to put her diaper on on time! I was talking to her all the while telling her how masarap the bath is and how presko she is now. After the bath, she ate and drank and slept.

On the night of November 17, 12:30AM, (Nov 18) Princess started barking differently. I gave her water, she drank. She started barking faintly again, so I gave her food—she didn’t want to eat. I checked her diaper, there was nothing. I noticed how she couldn’t breath properly, so I carried her and took her out the living room to get air. She was clearly very distressed. She threw up on the floor and that alarmed me.

I knew I had to call the driver so we could go to the vet right away. I even called the vet to expect us.

After 5 mins, Princess threw up again and she dropped her head, as if dead. I panicked. I totally panicked and kept calling her name. Princess! Princess! She breathed and moved again but I know something terrible is happening.

The driver took SO LONG. So my sister drove us to the vet.

I kept talking to Princess in the car and told her we’re already near so she should hang on.

We barely made it on time at around 1AM. I rushed her inside and laid her on the vet table.

Her breathing was VERY irregular. They put in oxygen on her, but she couldn’t take it in properly. The vet gave her a shot to clear her airway but her heartbeat weakened.

Princess’ stomach was bloating already and her eyes weren’t blinking anymore.

The vet gave her another shot of a stronger med to help her breathe. Her heartbeat increased for a while, but then it slowed down until the vet could hear no more…

“Wala na ho siya…” the vet told me.

Oh man, I felt like I was hit by a truck.

My baby was gone… She was gone. She wasn’t moving anymore. Her diaper was filled with poo and pee (xiam sai—as what my mom would tell me)

I carried her home and hugged her while wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t believe it.

She left me…

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I didn’t want to sleep until I cleaned her up.

I changed her diaper and kept a new one on. I created her coffin using boxes. I made it look like she was just sleeping. I made her wear the collar she loved and even rested her head on the pillow—her favorite pillow.

I stared at her and just talked to her and cried…

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The next morning I woke up and rushed to her. I couldn’t believe she was dead. She’s cold, but not yet hard. I held her paw and just cried cried cried…

My mom accompanied me to my dad’s work place where we take all our deceased dogs to be buried. I cried cried cried. Princess was buried next to Micky.

 

That night I decided to watch MARLEY AND ME. And I cried cried cried. That night I cried myself to sleep. It was so difficult. I got used to having Princess sleep by my side ALL THESE YEARS! And now when I look to my side all I have is her pillow.

It crushed my heart.

I ate my way out of this depressed state. I just ate ate ate. Even if I didn’t want to eat. I was grieving so much…I still am.

Whenever I eat chicken, I would save all the cartilage because it was Pin’s favorite. I put them all in front of the huge picture of her I printed and placed by my table. She will love that cartilage.

I still cry. It takes a lot of getting used to.

I miss her everyday. And will never forget her.

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“Pinpin, Mama loves you so much, I hope you are not scared because I am not with you, let the light guide you baby, I know you have seen Rainbow Bridge, you wait for me there okay? I love you so much and I am so so so sad that you left me… But I am also happy because you are no longer having a hard time breathing. Mama will always be here and you can visit me anytime. I know you are up there. Have fun playing baby. I love you and I will NEVER forget you. Love, Mama.”

34 comments:

  1. Ms. Say, Condolence. I am actually crying right now with your story. I have a 2-year old shihpoo and I know she's going to have a shorter life. I wish they could grow old like people. I think I just have to spend the best days with our best friends like you had with your Princess.

    She's definitely happy in that rainbow bridge.

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  2. my deepest condolence ms. say... i can relate much for my family also have a dog who's 10 yrs old and not getting any younger . she's also one strong survivor for enduring two major injuries caused by her old age.. i hope that you feel a lot better.

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  3. This is so heartbreaking.. Condolence po Ms. Say.. I know you'll get through this.. :)

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  4. this makes me cry ,,, its hard to say goodbye on the one you really love .... :"(

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  5. nakakaiyak.. kakamatay lng kasi ng 8years old dog.. napakasakit ng pagkamatay nya kasi na sabit xa sa tali nya sa kabilang bakud ng kabitbahay.. he was hung by his own tali :( napakasakit pla mawalan ng alagang aso :( grabeh iyak ko :( condolence say

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  6. Say, Condolence. I am literally crying right now the whole time I was reading this. Stay strong, we all know that Pinpin is in a better place right now :)

    Hugs and Kisses,
    Karla

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  7. This made me cry buckets of tears. I have 5 dogs (lhasa apso, shihtzu, and 3 shih-apso) I cant imagine losing one. Condolence, Say.

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  8. naiyak ako ate say,sobraaaaaaa !!!!!!! :(((((( sobrang malapit sa puso ko ang mga dogs grabeeehhhh !!!!! alam ko yung nararamdaman mo ate say.alam ko masakit at tsaka nakakalungkot.Pero dont worry atleast hindi na sya nahihirapan tsaka masaya na sya sa piling ni God.Goodbye pin pin.Goodbye little angel <3

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  9. Hi Say, I'm a furr parent too and this story seriously made me cry. i really wish they could live long like humans. I feel you. Please stay strong. *hugs*

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  10. Hi Say, I have a lot of dogs too and I can't imagine losing them. I wish they could live longer. I cried while reading this story. Stay strong, hun. *hugs*

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  11. sorry for your loss, I have my baby dog too and can't imagine if I'm in your position. 12 years is really such a long time.

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  12. this made me cry :( I'm a dog lover as well and it's really hard to accept the fact that they'll die too :(( dogs are such sweet creatures. don't worry! pinpin is looking at you from above. she is now happy in doggie heaven. I will pray for you to feel better!

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  13. When Kira's dog died, I cried while reading her blog post. Now, your dog died and here I am, crying again while I read this. I have a dog. She's turning 2 this December. I am not excited to celebrate her birthday because it only mean one thing, she's getting older. I don't want her to leave me. She's the only best friend I ever had.

    Pinpin is in a better place now. She lived a happy life, Say.

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  14. T_T
    condolence...pinpin was so lucky to have you say. Pag may umaalis, may dumarating. Be strong. Im not a dog lover before because i am scared to deal with them but when this cute poodle weeba came into my family's life and after watching hachiko, i begun to love her and will take care of her from now on. Your love to pinpin is an inspiration! God blesS your heart and health.

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  15. T_T
    condolence...pinpin was so lucky to have you say. Pag may umaalis, may dumarating. Be strong. Im not a dog lover before because i am scared to deal with them but when this cute poodle weeba came into my family's life and after watching hachiko, i begun to love her and will take care of her from now on. Your love to pinpin is an inspiration! God blesS your heart and health.

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  16. Damn!! Nakakaiyak naman! :( I am deeply sad about this Say! I know exactly how u feel! I had my tubby for 13 years. Lost him 2 years ago but until now I miss him everyday! I can't change my fb profile pix since its our last picture together. I was not able to report for work for 5 days because i need to be with him. Once piece of advice, don't watch doggie movies muna...ako until now I can't watch Hachiko. Its pains me! ur dogs our buried here in our backyard and I visit them and say Hello and tell them how much I love and miss them.

    I know it will take some time but I do hope you'll be ok and again, I admire you for taking care of these beautiful dogs! Take care! Now I know my tubby and tickle have playmates in doggie heaven. :)

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  17. We had the same experience. my dog died 3 weeks ago and it really breaks my heart. We were so close. I even held her that moment when she is already gasping for breath, until she finally rested. She died in my arms. :'(( Condolence Miss Say. I know nothing can replace the memories you had with Princess. Cheer up! :)

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  18. I just can't stop crying while reading through your post. It really aches my heart while imagining what you have gone through with PinPin. Thank you, I feel you have been shedding tears while doing this post, but the love you have for PinPin warms our hearts. It was just heartbreaking that someone so dear to you had to leave. :( We have a dog too who always sleeps beside us, and I just can't imagine life without her. Stay strong, Say. We love you.

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  19. Nakakaiyak! I know how it feels losing a pet esp. if treated as family member na. I hope you feel better soon!

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  20. Just like everyone, super cry din ako sa post mo.. i have 5 dogs and could not imagine losing any of them.. :( my eldest is an aspin.. he's 11 years old now, no more upper and lower front teeth and may cataract na rin sya.. pinpin is very lucky to have you.. she's in a better place now.. God bless Say.. stay strong..

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  21. Just like everyone, super cry din ako sa post mo.. i have 5 dogs and could not imagine losing any of them.. :( my eldest is an aspin.. he's 11 years old now, no more upper and lower front teeth and may cataract na rin sya.. pinpin is very lucky to have you.. she's in a better place now.. God bless Say.. stay strong..

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  22. Just like everyone, super cry din ako sa post mo.. i have 5 dogs and could not imagine losing any of them.. :( my eldest is an aspin.. he's 11 years old now, no more upper and lower front teeth and may cataract na rin sya.. pinpin is very lucky to have you.. she's in a better place now.. God bless Say.. stay strong..

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  23. I am so sorry for your loss. :(
    I'm a dog owner, too, and I know how it feels like to panic when something's wrong with our pets. I'm sure your Princess is in dog heaven. :)

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  24. Grabeh nkarelate ako.. i feel the same way when my dog died.. i cried so hard whe she died :(( mas grabeh un iyak ko kesa nung ngbreak kame ng ex ko ehehe.. i cried as if one of my family member died :(

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  25. this made me cry! :(( I didn't know that you really love dogs and you truly took care and loved Pinpin..
    this is another side of Say, besides being a youtube personality..
    kaya mo yan! just give your time to grieve.

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  26. This is so painful. Iyak ako ng iyak habang binabasa ito. Condolence. I miss my Wako, our dog. He passed away this year. Nung namatay siya, hindi agad na-absorb ng utak ko, ginising ko pa siya ng bongga. Then nung hindi na talaga siya gumagalaw, i cried! Wako and Pinpin are now happy playing while waiting for us. :)

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  27. condolence po.. promise, naiyak ako dito naalala ko kasi ung dog namin..

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  28. Grabe Say naiiyak ako. I'm here in the office and I don't care if they see me crying. Grabe so heartbreaking!

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  29. Grabe Say! Naiyak ako dito promise! I'm here in the office and I don't care if they see me crying. Soo heartbreaking ='(

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  30. Oh god the feels. Condolence miss Say.. iyak ako na ng iyak while reading this. I also have a dog, his name is Uno, and I can't imagine what I'd do when he dies. This made me realize na dapat sulitin ang time while they're still there, make happy memories with them. :(

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  31. I can't stop crying! :< Condolence Ms. Say..

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  32. awww miss say i can't help but cry after reading this post. :'(
    It was so heart breaking:'(
    condolence po miss say.
    I know some how that princess is now in doggy heaven watching over you.

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  33. Condolence! We also have that tragedy... huhuhu! our yorkie died because of distemper... My heart was crashed into pieces when he left us. We assumed that it was only simple cold and couldn't pee... He was rushed to the vet on November 2 and hoping that it will make him feel good again. The vet said that his distemper is severe already and to ease some pain to him, they inject something and put dextrose to him. But when my mom and dad decided to bring him home... when we call him, he wouldn't even respond... his having seizures and almost cry because of what he feel... and after a few minutes... he got died... Until now we are still longing for him...

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  34. I can honestly feel the pain you went through when Princess was nearing her end. Condolences. :( I have a dog, he's 7 months old. We have a lot of time to spend together and I can't bring myself to imagine what it would be like when his time comes to pass on to the next life. :( I'm sure Princess has with her all of your fun memories together. :)

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